no friends

heres another thing. i have like no friends. i used to have friends but i didnt like them. all they did was useme. i had to be someone i wasnt and constantly deny myself to be their rock and when i stopped and became myself again, they didnt want to be my friend anymore. i got rid of all of them. they totally annoyed me and stressed me out. so now i have NO friends. I have a couple girls I go out with dot get me wrong but no one I wanna call and talk to.  No one I wanna have come over and hang out and talk. Its so lonely. Then I thought, well if I want friends all I have to do is be the perfect friend.  Give them cards or presents and do stuff they like and listen to their stories... and the thought of that is pathetic and disheartening. My mom always gave me the best advice. If you wanna make friends, let them talk about themselves. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. well aint that the truth??? but whos there for me? whos there to listen to me? I want someone i can be myself with and actually ENJOY what they have to say! not have it be a chore like its been my entire adult like. godd, my life fucking sucks. what a shitty life i had. and still paying for it now. no friends, no good relationships, no family to count on. pathetic.