"friends"

Ya know how I have commented before that i don't have any friends? I want a friend that is a true best friend. Someone I can trust, and tell them anything and know they will never judge me. They wont judge me for sleeping with a married man, they wont think I'm crazy when I see and hear dead people, they do things I wanna do, not just drag me to places they want to go to, they care about me and dont just blab about themselves. I want a true friend. Someone I click with. I used to have that. In grammar school. Until some bitch stole my friend from me. It's so lonely.

I have a friend, Sandy. I met her when I lived in my last apartment complex. She has 4 kids. Single mother. When I met her she had 3.  The father was some loser in jail in Boston. She got no help. So one day my daughter started playing with her daughter about the same age. We became friends. I babysat for her many times and tried to help her as much as I possibly could. Let the girls stay at my house so she could get a break, fed them, bathed them, and had the place clean and the kids in bed by 9. She would come home at 10 to peace and quiet. I loved those kids. She always took my daughter for me too when I wanted to have a guy over or go out. I could keep my secrets with her. I could tell her about my psychic abilities, my problems, my life. We helped each other all the time. We always said we would get a house together that we didn't need a husband.

Then she started sleeping with the maintenance guy. He would be at her apartment all the time where he would see me, naturally, and he and I also became friendly.  So for my birthday I wanted them to take me to a strip club. He took me to a Brazilian place. It sucked by the way because those girls wanted nothing to do with women. But that night we went back home and he impregnated her. As the weeks went on, he wanted to take me to some other strip clubs and buy me porn and shit. Then one day I asked him if he had a camera I could borrow. "yes" he answered. I was going to take some sexy photos of my friend. (a different friend) He gave ti to me and I went to my friends house. I took one picture and the battery died. He met me at my house with the battery and when he saw what we were doing he of course wanted to stay. We all got drunk, she started to make out with me, he took pictures and the night was over. No sex with him. Nothing. We thanked him for the use of the camera. Sandy eventually found out about this. She stopped talking to me for a LONG time! She finally came around and we became friends again.

She is the one who helped me when the dominican came over and my mom was horrible to him. She let him come to her house. Before I know it they are friends on facebook, and he is very friendly with her. When my mom was being horrible and racist, she was the one who took him for me so he didnt have to stay at my house while i was at work.

Long story short...
the psycho kept calling me and texting me over and over and over trying to tell me something and i refused to hear him. I finally called bc i was scared I was either in danger or he gave me some kind of STD. Turns out he wanted to tell me that Sandy is not my friend and that they were sleeping together the whole time I was blogging about him being so great. By now I couldnt care less but if I knew bout it then I sure wouldve been crushed. He had proof of emails voice mails i actually listened to, and details of where he walked and took the train and shit. I confronted her and she denied it of course. I sent her the voicemail so she could hear herself speaking.

Heres why I dont care that much.

1. I guess she feels vindicated. that's fine. If it makes her feel better I am actually happy for her. I feel bad she was still so hurt and angry with me for the pictures. And by the way, she told him all about it! and he repeated the whole story to me.
2. I was in love with MM the whole time. Although in the beginning I really tried to move on and be with the new guy. It wasnt long that I just wanted to run back to MM's arms.
3. I guess I am used to friends not being real friends to me. They always hurt me  somehow.
4. Maybe because all I care about right now is making a decision about a baby inside me and having MM in my life, I am not wasting energy on them.

Whatever the reason I really dont care. I mean I care enough to have confronted her and to blog about it but in no way am I crushed. Now as usual I was betrayed by a girl and have one less person to confide anything in. The sad part is I am not even upset about it because I am so USED TO IT! that is sad. Maybe one day I will find a friend.

This is why I value the blog readers SO much!

Very good porn clip

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Self Analyzing Interview

I copied this from another blog. Please copy and paste to yours so I can read your answers.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

Pets are gross...


2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

To time travel!!!


3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

my neighbors


4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

invest it, adopt some kids, take in foster kids.


5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

Watching my Roseanne DVD's. I watch them EVERY night.


6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

Getting to the place in life where I can LET someone love me.



7. What is your bedtime routine?

Watch Roseanne DVD's!


8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

um... my demented relationship? work


9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

Rafa write his blogs.


10. What kinds of books do you read?

feng shui and design books.


11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

selling my art!


12. What’s your fear?

being old and alone


13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

No. who cares?



14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

Rich and married!


15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

go back to sleep!


16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?

he would be single!


17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Takisha Shaniqua Zepowitzensteinfeldenbergmanson (that would be every jewish ending name put together)


18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Havent I already?


19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

Odwalla drinks.




your turn... rafa, slowburn, florida dom....

NBA guy

He called the office today. Just to ask me out. Wanted to take me out to dinner or lunch. Told me to think about it and gacve me his number. Ugh... I am definitely flattered, no doubt. But scared! He's 6'9"!!! He's way too tall for me.  But I find him intriguing. Honestly, his dick must be massive. I'm scared just thinking about it! Not sure what to do. I have dominican boy who wants to be my boyfriend really badly, married man who is totally in love with me and is mustering up courage to see if he can get a divorce, and the giant!

I thought looking for girls would distract me but I seem to invite drama into my life. Theres always someone coming into my life. Should I complain though? Really? Its a compliment I guess. I am not the most confident person in the world so it does make me feel better about myself. Maybe I'm not the unstylish fat, average girl i think i am. Hmmm....

Anyway I wanted to write the name of the player so you could google him but I'm not sure if I should...
share your thoughts anyway.

nothin else on my mind really...

FSF update

These are some of the women I have been emailing with.

This girl turned me on. I love her hair. She is Latina and she makes me wanna go in a public bathroom, throw her up against the wall and start making out with her. Then I will drag her into the stall where I will undo her shirt and pants as I kiss her passionately. I would hold her against the side wall to the bathroom stall and slide my fingers inside her as i kissed her. I would finger her and make her moan and cum all over my fingers.

 This girl seems like a princess. Like she walks around with the attitude "I know I'm hot. Keep staring" She would probably be fun in bed though! I could imagine her giggling. She's the type of girl that needs to get fucked really hard from behind as I pull her hair and call her my slut. If she got annoying I would sit on her face so she would shut up! lol! I would have a field day on her voluptuous breasts.I want to see them bounce up and down as I fuck her with a double sided dildo.

 This girl lives in Texas. She is a law enforcer. She would kick my ass and I would let her. She would dominate me and spank me and make me cum over and over. I would serve her any drink she wanted at that pool in that picture. She would be cool to talk to, fun to be with, and would please me.  Therefor, I'd do anything for her. And if I didnt, she could whip me with a leather dominatrix whip and handcuff me with her handcuffs. Oh if only I lived in Texas.

 This girl is beautiful. The problem with her though, is that she is looking for a serious relationship; her soulmate. She reminds me of myself in that pic. The short hair, the inviting smile. This girl is the girl I would actually consider HAVING a relationship with! She would be my best friend and my lover. She would make me happy, always be there for me, and be faithful. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that. She's not interested though because she wants something serious. :(

                                           

This last girl is online seeking a man but contacted me. Probably bi. She is hispanic and as you can tell, sensual. I REALLY like her. I think she would be great in a threesome. I can see her giving a slow sensual blow job on her knees. I would get under her and eat her out while she did that. I can imagine her being really intense and not stopping til she made me cum. I imagine her fingers rubbing my clit and squeezing my nipples as I am riding the guy. I could imagine er saying "oh yeah, you like that?" stuff like that. Then I would want her to get fucked hard from behind and eat me out while she's getting fucked. I wanna hear her scream and then bury her face in my wet pussy. Goddam!

I have had a bunch of emails saying "you are so beautiful" or "you are so hot" or "you are very sexy." One girl told me "I wish you lived in texas because I would be going down on you right now" Damn! If anything, this hadsmade me feel so good about myself! Women are awesome!

So what do you guys think so far? And of my fantasies?