"friends"

Ya know how I have commented before that i don't have any friends? I want a friend that is a true best friend. Someone I can trust, and tell them anything and know they will never judge me. They wont judge me for sleeping with a married man, they wont think I'm crazy when I see and hear dead people, they do things I wanna do, not just drag me to places they want to go to, they care about me and dont just blab about themselves. I want a true friend. Someone I click with. I used to have that. In grammar school. Until some bitch stole my friend from me. It's so lonely.

I have a friend, Sandy. I met her when I lived in my last apartment complex. She has 4 kids. Single mother. When I met her she had 3.  The father was some loser in jail in Boston. She got no help. So one day my daughter started playing with her daughter about the same age. We became friends. I babysat for her many times and tried to help her as much as I possibly could. Let the girls stay at my house so she could get a break, fed them, bathed them, and had the place clean and the kids in bed by 9. She would come home at 10 to peace and quiet. I loved those kids. She always took my daughter for me too when I wanted to have a guy over or go out. I could keep my secrets with her. I could tell her about my psychic abilities, my problems, my life. We helped each other all the time. We always said we would get a house together that we didn't need a husband.

Then she started sleeping with the maintenance guy. He would be at her apartment all the time where he would see me, naturally, and he and I also became friendly.  So for my birthday I wanted them to take me to a strip club. He took me to a Brazilian place. It sucked by the way because those girls wanted nothing to do with women. But that night we went back home and he impregnated her. As the weeks went on, he wanted to take me to some other strip clubs and buy me porn and shit. Then one day I asked him if he had a camera I could borrow. "yes" he answered. I was going to take some sexy photos of my friend. (a different friend) He gave ti to me and I went to my friends house. I took one picture and the battery died. He met me at my house with the battery and when he saw what we were doing he of course wanted to stay. We all got drunk, she started to make out with me, he took pictures and the night was over. No sex with him. Nothing. We thanked him for the use of the camera. Sandy eventually found out about this. She stopped talking to me for a LONG time! She finally came around and we became friends again.

She is the one who helped me when the dominican came over and my mom was horrible to him. She let him come to her house. Before I know it they are friends on facebook, and he is very friendly with her. When my mom was being horrible and racist, she was the one who took him for me so he didnt have to stay at my house while i was at work.

Long story short...
the psycho kept calling me and texting me over and over and over trying to tell me something and i refused to hear him. I finally called bc i was scared I was either in danger or he gave me some kind of STD. Turns out he wanted to tell me that Sandy is not my friend and that they were sleeping together the whole time I was blogging about him being so great. By now I couldnt care less but if I knew bout it then I sure wouldve been crushed. He had proof of emails voice mails i actually listened to, and details of where he walked and took the train and shit. I confronted her and she denied it of course. I sent her the voicemail so she could hear herself speaking.

Heres why I dont care that much.

1. I guess she feels vindicated. that's fine. If it makes her feel better I am actually happy for her. I feel bad she was still so hurt and angry with me for the pictures. And by the way, she told him all about it! and he repeated the whole story to me.
2. I was in love with MM the whole time. Although in the beginning I really tried to move on and be with the new guy. It wasnt long that I just wanted to run back to MM's arms.
3. I guess I am used to friends not being real friends to me. They always hurt me  somehow.
4. Maybe because all I care about right now is making a decision about a baby inside me and having MM in my life, I am not wasting energy on them.

Whatever the reason I really dont care. I mean I care enough to have confronted her and to blog about it but in no way am I crushed. Now as usual I was betrayed by a girl and have one less person to confide anything in. The sad part is I am not even upset about it because I am so USED TO IT! that is sad. Maybe one day I will find a friend.

This is why I value the blog readers SO much!