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very scary story from my daughter

so i was chilling at mimmos. at 10:10, i got a phone call from a RAANDOM number.. it was a man. he said he was a worker at madison lanes(where my dad bowls like every night of the week) he told me that i have to do whatever it takes to get me and my family down to the bowling alley asap. so he was like tony your dad is about to bowl a 300 (my dad is reeeally close to bowling a 300 but he hasnt done it yet). and i said that i wasnt home and he said you need to find a way to get here. and then i was like uh you can call my grandma. and he said no we need YOU. but we need your whole family to take you. and i didnt answer. and he was like your dad is holding everyone up because he wont continue to bowl without you there. hes bowling at lane 16. and i was like can i talk to my dad? and he was like no. your not allowed to. and then i was like k well im not coming if i cant talk to my dad. and i hung up. and then at 1030, they called me AGAIN.. but i didnt answer because i didnt hear my phone. and then when i got home i told my grandma the story and she was like uh......thats impossible because I picked your dad up at 930 from the bowling alley and took him to the towne tavern. so i was freaked out. so i texted the number that called me and i was like who is this? if you dont tell me, im gonna report your number to the cops. and i got a text that told me that the number was invalid.................................................so i called it 4 times and each time it was like the number you are trying to call, the circuits are busy and unavailable..please try again. and i was freeakkiingg  out. and my grandpa was like ok why did this person want us alllll out of the house.........................soooo..thats pretty much what happened. this random guy knew my phone number, knew my dad, knew i was his daughter, knew he was bowling, said he was bowling at lane 16, and then 10 minutes after..the number was invalid.......

 

 

she went to the police with her grandma to report this. Did this person want them all out of the house? Or did they plan on doing something to them at the bowling alley? Not sure. Either way very scary, and I'm wondering what kind of enemies he is creating!

anyone out there?

Haven't been here in a while. Every time I have a thought I am either in the car, or at work, and cant access my blog!  we had an extra hour of sleep last night. that was fantastic! went on a date last night with the guy i was talking about. went to the city to see  Brian Regan. He paid for these tickets for us. $60 a piece. Paid for the whole evening.
Tell me if I'm a snob.
Every other guy I go out with would drive in the city and park. They would pay for the entire evening. I find it sexy when a man can drive in the city. I have major anxiety issues and should probably be on medication for it but I'm not. I absolutely HATE public transportation and "catching a train" taking a dirty smelly subway when I have no clue where I'm going, I feel so bad for all the poor people I cant help, it really bothers me when I see men sitting and not giving their seats up for women children and the elderly, and I hate having to be places at certain times. It makes me a nervous wreck! So usually I go into the city with a man who drives me in, we go where we are going, and get there early so we dont have to rush, or we just stroll into a restaurant and take our time and leave.
This one, however, tells me he's coming at 6 to get me, rings the bell at 5:58, which totally pisses me off... I wasnt ready! My outfits were all horrible. "I'll be too cold!" "I look fat" "too dressy" Too casual" ''too uncomfortable" etc! I was rushing like a lunatic and by the time we start to leave I am already having such bad anxiety I feel like I'm gonna throw up and I was sick the whole car ride. Mainly because I knew we were driving to a train station! then we had to take the train to the city, then a subway to Lincoln Center. I take the train when I go see my uncle in the city, but theres no time pressures! i tell him "I'll be there between 1 and 4!" so we miss the first train. my fault. he said it was ine there was another one in 20 minutes. So im sitting in the train station, feeling sick, cant breathe, needing a shot of alcohol!
we take the train to the subway where they were working on the tracks and we were totally delayed! Had to take a cab to lincoln center. Anyone ever notice how the cabs wreak of sweaty ass when you get in? why is that? anyway we rush to get there and just made it on time. I got a shot of rum to relax and went in the show. All I kept thinking on the train the subway and in the cab was how the other men I go out with have spoiled me. I dont want to be with a guy who barely has money. Is that a horrible thing? I have struggled with money my whole life and if I could be with someone who had money I'd rather have that than a poor guy. or a mediocre guy. I dont need a millionaire! trust me. Im not a gold digger. Im just saying I can choose what type of guy I fall in love with. Why not choose a guy who has enough money to drive into the city?
We were in the theater and I'm thinking to myself "ugh.  We're in the city and can't even go out and do something fun! I dont have the money to pay for us both and I feel guilty spending his money! Now I have to schlep on a friggin train and subway again." I didnt complain to him because how dare i complain when he paid for it all.  My sister told me I complain and sound completely ungrateful about things when people do things for me and I conciously tried to NOT complain. But I was cringing inside. Does this mean I'm high maintenance? or a snob? or a bitch? or a brat?
The men who spoil me never feel bad when I complain. They just tell me to shut up and get over it. They say "youre so annoying" or "youre such a brat" and they couldn't care less. Especially since they continue to take me out. Maybe my problem is I really didnt want to be with him! Maybe if I was in love with him it wouldnt matter if we were on a train! YES!!! thats IT!!! I took a train with my muffin man and I kissed him the whole time and even had my hand in his pants! I wouldnt have cared where we were or what we did! as long as I was with him! oh my god! revelation!
ok what should i do???

Maroon 5 - Misery

no friends

heres another thing. i have like no friends. i used to have friends but i didnt like them. all they did was useme. i had to be someone i wasnt and constantly deny myself to be their rock and when i stopped and became myself again, they didnt want to be my friend anymore. i got rid of all of them. they totally annoyed me and stressed me out. so now i have NO friends. I have a couple girls I go out with dot get me wrong but no one I wanna call and talk to.  No one I wanna have come over and hang out and talk. Its so lonely. Then I thought, well if I want friends all I have to do is be the perfect friend.  Give them cards or presents and do stuff they like and listen to their stories... and the thought of that is pathetic and disheartening. My mom always gave me the best advice. If you wanna make friends, let them talk about themselves. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. well aint that the truth??? but whos there for me? whos there to listen to me? I want someone i can be myself with and actually ENJOY what they have to say! not have it be a chore like its been my entire adult like. godd, my life fucking sucks. what a shitty life i had. and still paying for it now. no friends, no good relationships, no family to count on. pathetic. 

im baaaack

too bad no one reads it!

i need to discuss something. theres a guy in my life who is a friend. but... i feel like hes a possessive bf stalker type and i dont know if he REALLY is or if its in my head! he says it cuz he cares and he means nothing but the best which is why he does things for me and is nice to me but i cant tell if its manipulation or obsession or "normalcy" i am so used to being treated like shit, or being used, or abused, or controlled, and manipulated that I cant even recognize goodness.  I like to fight and be dysfunctional and have passionate love and kissing form the depths of my soul.  this guy is not like that at all.  it bothers me when he gives me things. i dont feel the same way! it freaks me out when he drives by my house and knows if im home or not. i needed a computer so he gives me one. youre not my boyfriend! hes trying to be isnt he? he acts like a boyfriend but hes only my friend. means he likes me! SO uncomfortable.

My issue though is that i repel niceness and goodness and welcome and covet dysfunction.  clearly we know this is form my awful childhood but I dont know how to get past it. And I am terrified this stalker will be obsessive and controlling.  its like i dont have clear vision to tell!

What do I do????

one of those days!

I wonder if other people feel this way sometimes. Todays one of those days! The day when I hate everything! My skin is almost crawling. I hate my hair my clothes my body my looks my job for sure, my boring life, the people around me in this place, sick of the music I listen to.... UGH! I just wanna rip my hair out and clothes off and scream!!! Or go to sleep and hope I wake up to a new life! Ya know??? Ugh!

sex slave

I really need to get this off my chest. To whomever is reading this: are you aware that right now teenage girls, even 10 and 11 year old girls are being kidnapped, forced to prostitute themselves, and out on the streets being watched by their "masters", or being beat up by them? Those websites with pictures of "sexy teens" are forced pictures? Those girls were beat up and threatened if they refused or questioned to pose for them. And those strip clubs I have even been to? Do you know what's going on underneath? Underground? Sex slaves are travelling through being thrown in trucks, drugged, beaten, raped, sodomized, for the purpose of fulfilling the lust for the pigs who want to sleep with young girls. Who will pay for sex. And to fill the evil lust for power and money by these evil disgusting animals that need to be killed! I have never heard of anything more evil than what they do. I mean drugs, guns, violence, abuse, raping.... Ugh. Makes me sick!
And I was thinking. Jesus suffered a horrible brutal death on the cross. Beaten, whipped, a crown of thorns lodged into his head... Whipped with a cat o nine tails dipped into blood and bones and sharp objects to rip his flesh even more. Whipped 39 times one time shy of death! Then forced to carry his own cross up a hill! Then nailed to it, mocked, scorned, laughed at, hated, pierced in his side... Abandoned by his father as he cried out "why have you forsaken me?" Jesus took that WILLINGLY for the sin of all of us! Those animals that are doing this to these innocent girls should be taking that pain and punishment! To me there is no greater evil than what they do. Why is it happening? And where is God in this??? Yes jesus suffered but where is God? We need to do something! We can't ignore and forget about these girls!!! The law doesn't even protect them! If a cop catches a girl, she gets off the street for a night and ends up right back to the master. Most don't make it past 18! They have diseases or are murdered. Trapped in hell on earth. Something needs to happen! Ugh! I'm sick to my stomach.

im on a mission

Sorry most of my blogs are depressing. But I have something better to talk about. It took me 15 years to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I wanted to be a dancer, an artist, a hair dresser, a teacher, an aesthetician, massage therapist, make up artist... I am all those things actually. I've done and still do all of those things, just not as a profession. Working in finance has made me see a lot of things. Good and bad. I see how these men (and women) are salesmen and want to be rich. They are very humbled in this economy. Some are thankful for a job, others miserable. They are struggling to keep up their lifestyles. Sometimes I get annoyed at them, other times I feel bad when they don't make any commission for a month and they're stressed trying to provide for their families. But all in all, I HATE my job. I thought maybe I could do something exciting in the industry but no way. The only thing I get to do that I like is help my favorite broker build his business. By marketing ideas and projects. I really like him so I like helping him. I not only get to change up my routine, but I feel satisfied when I know I'm helping him, and the best part is using my creativity to come up with new ideas! Being able to create and brainstorm makes me feel accomplished, useful, talented, and important!

So I decided I am going to make a career of helping people grow their businesses. So I started brainstorming how I can start doing this.

The plan: I own my OWN business

First step: learn how to do it and master it

Next step: meet people, make connections

I think I should start by writing my ideas and writing out a plan.

I WILL do these things and I WILL fulfill my dreams. I will go to france and I will fulfill my desires. Thank god I finally figured out what I want to do. I'll blog about what I do, since its the only interesting thing going on right now.

Thanks for reading! I can't comment on my own blog or other blogs since I don't have a computer but thank you!

why i cant sleep

These are the thoughts that go through my mind at 4am...

So the way I figure, the stocl market was booming in the twenties, got out of control, and crashed. How long did it take until the market recovered? Not until the 1980's. Sixty years later. So I figure by the time I'm in my eighties, the economy will be booming again! So when its going to be a great time to be alive, I'll be half dead! My life sucks.

I wanna know what I did in my past lives. Did ALL my lives suck this much???

my beauty marks

I remember being a kid and asking my dad why I had beauty marks. "Because that means you're beautiful in THAT spot!" He told me. "Then why did God cover the beautiful spot with that ugly mark?" I asked him. Ill never forget his answer.

"Don't worry sweetie, one day your lover will kiss every one of those beauty marks," he reassured me. I pondered that for awhile. It was the very first time anyone had ever made me feel good about myself! And it stuck with me until now. I always thought, wow. That's what a lover would do. It helped me know what a real lover is. It helped me to recognize what someone does when they love me. And through the years I could always tell if a guy was using me or if he really loved me.

Ill never consider marrying a man who isn't my lover. And who doesn't love every inch of me. I still haven't had the one who kissed every beauty mark. But I have had the man who embraced and loved the things I am insecure about and made me feel good about them. That's a true lover.

My dad passed away ten years ago, and I miss him like crazy! He was always there for me to love me and listen to me and I could tell him anything. But his words still carry on with me. Thanks daddy!!!

impossible to please

I need to talk about something. And I need advice. I am a big-time complainer. I complain on facebook, I complain about the damn radio station playing the same songs over and over, I complain about my stomach hurting in pain because I need surgery, I complain if someone doesn't talk to me, I complain if they don't shut the hell up. I complain if people are rude or if they are fake. I complain if noises or smells bother me. If guys hit on me, if they don't hit on me. I complain about my family not being around, or if they are too much in my business. I complain about work ALL the time. It seems I always have something to complain about morning noon and night. I am just such a miserable person impossible to please! WHY IS THAT??? I just had some amazing sex tonight and I complained later that I was uncomfortable that I was too wet! What is my problem???