playing with fire

First of all, i created a new blog to talk about my blazing love affair... anything more on this topic will be in that blog.

I often refer to my love affair as a blazing fire. A fire that just can't be put out. If we are not making love, the energy is used to fight. Sparks are flying every second we're together even if it's through the phone.
It's just not fair that we both have to suffer at the same time. Pain and pleasure. I long to be with him, but if I look down the road, I know he'll never leave his wife. I was the excitement he was looking for as he was bored in his marriage. And he feels like a bad person for living a double life.
What am I going to do? The stronger our feelings get, the more consequences come up...

It all started with him looking for excitement. I agreed to it because he seemed like a genuine sweet person who appeared to be surfaced with love. I take them deep. Very deep. I wanted him to experience just what it means to come out in the deep end and drown in love. At first he was guarded, scared, and resistant. But I am a very persuasive person and urged him to come a little deeper. Am I selfish? I thought I was being unselfish. But I didn't think about the consequences of his life and how this would effect him. I thought about the good, not the bad.
And now we're deep. Deep, deep in it. We tried to end things because of the reality that he's married and staying married. But it didn't work. We couldn't function at work, I was crying all the time, depressed, laying around, wanting to die really, and he couldn't hide his misery from his family... It was a nightmare and I couldn't take it anymore. I was lost without my best friend! A day without speaking to him was like a day without food. You could survive but all you think about all day is your hunger!

So finally he came over.  We fought, we talked, we made love... What a surprise.
Back to the beginning again.
And now here we are more in love than before! It gets deeper each day. When we go through something difficult or fight, we seem to come through it stronger!

Isn't this what true love really is?? I believe with all my heart that this is what love should be and was meant to be....

Yet there's a HUGE obstacle in the way! Was this meant to be? Or am I just a selfish sinner?
I believe we were meant to meet each other, but why? Why do we have to go through the pain?

My love for him grows deeper every day... And it really is kind of scary. Where's it going? What will happen to me? To him? I'm so scared of the pain I will be in when I lose him. Oh god this life makes no sense. I always want to experience life and all it has to offer but I just wonder if this will be too much for me.

And I'm torturing him with the same thing.

Its the best love I ever felt;
 so peaceful when I look in his eyes,
so happy when I'm near him,
so in love when I kiss him,
butterflies when his lips touch mine,
so hot when his body is pressed up against mine,
so lost in his eyes,
so comforted when he thinks about me....

He teaches me,
loves me,
comforts me,
puts up with me,
understands me...
Even when I make no sense...
He's compassionate,
patient,
     gentle,
          stubborn,
               intelligent,
                    sensitive,
                         frustrating,
hard headed...

And I'm crazy about him.

When I asked him why he loves me he had the best answer:
"Because you drive me crazy."

Ditto muffin man!

Can anyone tell me this isn't love???