venting

I know it's Christmas but I need to vent here a minute. I work for an industry that is NOT doing very well.  The financial adviser's of the world.  The market sucks.  And it'll get worse. But the thing about this industry is that SOME of the financial adviser's pay their assistants extra money each month... I of course am not one of those.  Mostly because I am not licensed therefor, I dont work for big producers. Plus, honestly, I dont know if I can handle this industry anymore! I really hate the stress.

But what really upsets me, is that the last job I stared at the wall all day.  I was miserable and felt worthless. And insulted. I felt like a waste of space, intelligence, and talent. So I got a new job.  Where I came and did the same thing.  So I created work for myself. I went above and beyond to help come up with projects to not only keep myself occupied all day, but HELP my brokers build their business!  One of these, the muffin man. ESPECIALLY him!!! I stay late, come early, stayed late on the Friday after Thanksgiving, all to get THEIR work done! The girl I covered all year was out so many times I cant even count!  I had to cover her brokers as well as mine.  And when she fired two months ago, I busted my BUTT to work for NINE of them!! And got everything done!  I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, crying every other day after work because I was so stressed.

So Christmas comes, and I was expecting at least $50 form the guys i helped out all year! and at least $200 form my main guys.  I based this on my last job.  The guy I did the most for gave me $500.  I expected this from the muffin man.  Needless to say I did not get that. The other guys gave me $200 or $150 and the guys I did practically NOTHING for gave me $100. My manager gave me $100 as well. So I did the math and said, ya know I should have enough to get myself a MUCH needed desk and laptop so  dot have to come to grandma's or the library to use a computer. Plus I can get furniture for my daughter's empty bedroom. The only thing worth anything in her room is the bed my ex bought for her that I could never afford.

Well anyway... I am not announcing every amount given to me, but I only got $20 form one guy, $25 from another, a bottle of wine from someone I did a LOT of work for, and NOTHING from the others!  My main guys, totaled up to $500.  And obviously nothing from the manager. I know I may sound ungrateful but I'm just really disappointed. I am still in a hole financially. I feel totally unappreciated, and insulted. I will never go out of my way fro any of them again!  Including Mr. Wonderful who everyone asks me ALL the time "why do you do so much for him? He doesn't even pay you extra!"

I made the mistake of venting to him about it and he's of course pissed at me.  Told me to not talk to him the rest of his vacation.  Said he's totally insulted.  Of course I did say "no offense but, you can all go fuck yourselves." Whatever. I am looking for a new job.  This is SOOOO not worth the stress and aggravation!  I hate it there!